The Unwilling Member
by Natalia Cousland
Summary: *END GAME SPOILERS* What if the Archdemon wasn't the end for our Grey Warden? What if There was a way to... come back? Stupid idea, but I wanted to write about it. Fem!Cousland strikes again! With Alistair, of course.


_***SPOILERS FOR END GAME* What if the Archdemon wasn't the end for our Grey Warden? What if There was a way to... come back? Stupid idea, but I wanted to write about it. **_

_**I don't know how I made this connection, it just kinda popped into my head... surely it doesn't violate too much of Bioware's Idea of the Fade. I had too much fun writing it....**_  
_**So, here is the story of the girl who died... heh... no more spoilers here! **_

* * *

**The Unwilling Member**

_Natalia Cousland_

I can still remember Alistairs face when I told him that he was to guard Denerims gates. The sudden hysteria that shot through his body, leaving it rigid. His eyes were wild as they looked at me, because he knew what I was doing. He just didn't want it to come to that.

"What?" he nearly yelled. "What do you mean? I _am _coming with you." When he saw no change in my demeanor, he got right up in my face, pointing towards the marker district gates. "As the King of Ferelden, I _order_ you to bring me with you."

"You put me in command of this group long ago," I answered cooly. "You can not order me around, King or not. I said that you are staying here, and that is my final answer."

The demanding tone was immediately gone, the hard look melting from his face. The wrinkled between his eyes smoothened out, and his eyes pleaded with me. "_Please,_ Elisse!"

It was hard to not give in, to keep my expression the same. I wanted to cry, to leap at him and tell him that I didn't want to leave him behind. That maybe I didn't want to go through with this. I don't want to face the mean scary dragon, can I hide behind you?

But I couldn't. Somehow, I think that both of us knew that Riordan would not live, and Alistair was indirectly voicing it now. I had to be strong. Or. . . as close to it as I could be. I knew what I had to do, and I was doing it.

For Ferelden.

~*~

As I'm looking the Archdemon in the eye, I realize just what I'm doing, and the reality of it settles in.

I'm going to die.

I remember times in my childhood when I'd heard of death and had not taken notice. All those times that I'd taken it in complete stride, as if it was nothing. It wasn't until Highever was taken over by Howe's men, when I saw all of the people I'd know from that childhood, that I really understood the gravity of it.

Well, to say that I wasn't scared would be the lie of the age, I'll tell you. All those heroic things that people may say later on, about me facing the death, embracing it for the good of the world, would be total and utter lies.

I want to run back down to Alistair and cry, because I am human. Humans tend to feel that slight need to be selfish. For a long moment, I contemplate leaving this fort, and letting the world find it's own way to kill this damn thing.

Maybe it's because I don't want to die, maybe it's because I've had enough of people running to me and asking for help. I've tried time and time again to keep out of own views of how this world runs, but most of the time, my decisions are stained with the blood of my past, of my personal thoughts.

I imagine how my life would have been, had there been no blight. When I was younger, I would've given anything to fight for glory and a name in those old bard tales. Now, having been through hell (or the Fade, whatever) and back again, I wanted to go back to that time and die beside my parents.

It all reminds me of that saying. What was it...?

You'll always want what you can't have. And do I know it.

~*~

Now, I very well know that a big explanation on how bad dying is should be here, but I really can't explain it. All I can really say is... well, it hurt. Not for long, though, not a long time of suffering (thank the Maker).

All I hoped, was that it was over, in Ferelden. The end of the Blight was what we'd been after the whole time.

Then, suddenly, my eyes open. My vision is blurred, and I try to blink it away. "Elisse? Thank the Maker, your awake."

The voice nearly knocks me breathless. I rub my eyes and look up to see the almost-Templar that had taken my heart. If that doesn't sound cheesy enough, he's looking at me with a face that reeks of relief. "Nadine and Duncan were so worried, I couldn't tuck them in for the night."

I am instantly confused. Sure, I've experienced insto-confuse with Alistair before, but this was just _weird._ Who was Nadine, and why did Duncan need to be tucked in? Heck, that was a weird picture. 'There you go, Duncan honey, do you need a glass of water while I'm up?'

"Wha... Alistair, what are you talking about?" I ask, looking up at his goofy expression. He brushes as stray hair that I hadn't even noticed out of my eyes.

"You hit your head on the door when you were bringing the kids in for supper." He blushed sheepishly, "I was attempting to make dinner, for once, while you entertained them outside."

"Kids . . ." I trail off in wonder. I don't remember those. You'd think I'd remember giving birth.

He frowns. "You must have hit your head harder than I thought. Remember, Nadine and Duncan? We named our boy after Duncan, remember? And our little daughter, she looks just like you, remember? Well, you always say that she acts like me, and has my nose and goofy looks, or whatever. I'm not goofy-faced, am I?"

I laugh. Like, full out, uncontrollable, knee-slapping laugh. Not necessarily because his ramble is funny, but because he's just so... Alistair. I feel like I must have dreamed up the Blight. Why would I-

Wait a minute.

I sat up fast, my laughing over. I briefly wonder why I didn't feel any pain. "What about the archdemon? We have to kill it! Alistair-"

He shushes me gently, "Don't you remember? We killed the arch-demon, and, Blesses Andraste, you lived! We teamed with the dwarves and killed every last darkspawn, above and below the surface."

And it all seems too familiar. It's almost as if it's the nightmare all over again. Except, of course, with a touch of Alistair. I'm looking into his eyes, but all I can see is Alistair, _my _Alistair. Curiosity took the better of me. I'm dead, aren't I? Why can't I live this life now, even if I can't live it in the real world. I slowly stand, feeling steady on my feet. "Then let us see to the kids."

"Mommy!" I look to see two children running through the doorway, they propelled themselves onto the bed, pushing at each other to hug me. I'm on my back, once again on the bed, without remembering how I got there. I find myself on the verge of tears as I truly see them. These _are _my kids. Mine and Alistairs kids. I clutch them close to me, reveling in the feel. The warmth I felt through their soft cloths, their small figures that were so small. The smile on Alistairs face makes my heart pause before picking up pace. How much I wanted this to be _true!_ How real it seemed, even if it wasn't.

A stab of truth digs into my gut. This _isn't _real. My curiosity is instantly gone. The saying 'Curiosity killed the cat' ran through my head. I'm suddenly glad that I'm not a cat.

Even though I'm already dead.

Putting the kids to bed was an experience that I wasn't sure I could let go. Their giggles when Alistair reenacted a story he was telling, tromping around the room. I couldn't help but laugh. It was all so… blissful. When the kids were finally asleep, Alistair grabbed hold of me and lifted me into his arms. I barely held in my squeal.

I found myself toppling onto the soft bed and I'm instantly not sure what to do. Alistair is on the bed, and before I know it, he's kissing me. Did I mention that he'd taken off his shirt somewhere between the door and the bed? Well, he had. I almost felt guilty, his naked chest seemed so real to me, but at the same time alien.

I know where this is going, when his hands are bunching up my shirt. He's muttering something about being so worried about me before, when I was, apparently, passed out. I can't do this. To see Alistair like this, when he was no doubt the exact opposite in real life. I imagined him finding my still body when the army came to see if it was true. If the Blight was really over, that is.

I hear a loud sound, like someone is choking, and realize it's me. I lift a trembling hand to my mouth and close my eyes shut when I catch a glimpse of their faces in my inner mind. "You're not real," I start chanting. "You're not real."

Dream-Alistair is crushing me to his chest. I'm sobbing before I realize it. The feel of him is all too familiar, and I feel like I may just die again. His lips are against my head and he's mumbling. "Why can't you be happy?"

I push away from him with all my strength, not looking at any of them as I bolt through the door, ignoring how home-like the death-dream was, and running out the front door. I hear the kids yelling for me, but I keep running.

And then, it's all gone.

I'm standing in what is obviously the Fade. My vision swims before me with the result of more than tears. I can finally make out the oddly shaped areas and the jutting features that I faintly remembered. Being in the Fade wasn't helping my memories. I'd lost a few on my last visit, as it is.

"No!" I hear, but I can't make out from where. All I know is that it's Alistair. Suddenly, a vision swims through my mind. Alistair running to my corpse, picking me up and crying out. He yells for Wynne to do something, but all she can do is shake her head, looking sullen. My mind tells me that she is mad at herself for not being able to do anything.

Alistair is brushing the hair from my eyes, tracing my face and trembling violently. When Zevran tries to put a hand on his shoulder, he growls at him. I can faintly see Oghren looking on, and Sten's face, for once, looks almost sad. Dog is whining, ears drooping and head dropped. All I can hear is Alistair, his cries nearly ripping my heart in half.

Then, the vision is gone, the demon stepping through the blur. He's not as big as I remember, but he still looks lethal. I watch him calmly stop a few yards in front of me.

The demon greets me accordingly. "I am the ruler of this realm, or your realm, why are you resisting this?"

I've heard it all before. It's almost like a script, or a broken record of sorts in my head. "I'm only trying to make you happy."

I'm already fed up with this. I remember my words and nearly growl them out. "I make my own happiness."

"So _selfish. _You, you, you." Suddenly, the demon cackles, and he's looking behind me. "It seems we have another visitor."

I swing around, completely not expecting that I see there. "M-Morrigan?"

Morrigan shrugs indifferently, though her face holds something that I can't recognize. _Mages_. "I _did _say that I wasn't going to watch you die, didn't I? Now, let us get this over with, I tire of running in and playing hero."

This demon is weaker than the one I'd faced before. Morrigan has weapons that are awkward in my hand, which she throws to me. They don't feel as balanced as mine, but they still were better than nothing. Maybe it's because he has less dwellers in his realm, but he doesn't seem very strong. We fall into the familiar routine that I can faintly remember. I keep the demon's attention, dodging attacks and trying to connect my own. Morrigan casts spells that weaken the demon, slow him down.

He eventually gets fed up, turning into a much more powerful thing, and then we have to repeat it all over. His strikes were hard on my shield, knocking me back a few times. With one last effort, Morrigan shouted something that I didn't catch, and the demon stood frozen in mid strike. I realized that I wouldn't have had time to lift my shield, but I would thank Morrigan later.

I dropped my shield and gripped my sword with both hands, putting all of my weight into the slicing motion. His head was obviously the weakest point, being smaller, so that was the best point to attack. With one smooth slide-through, the demon lost his head, and shattered into nothingness.

I'm breathing hard, looking at where the demon had previously been. I'm free! I look around at Morrigan, who's suddenly right next to me. Her tone slightly resembles happiness, but not the usual fake, sarcastic happiness. "Now, go back to that fool before he destroys the whole of Ferelden." Morrigan sighed, putting her hands on my shoulders. "'Tis good to see you again, my friend. And to fight with you one last time."

Then she's gone. I look around for some kind of portal, which was behind the demon. That's why I hadn't seen it before. I don't know about anyone else, but I was over to it faster than I remember going in a long while.

All I remember after that, is a sudden pain shooting through me.

~*~

My first breath is harsh on my lungs, and my chest feels like the Archdemon has been jumping on it. I cough, the blood in my lungs coming out, and gasp for breath. My eyes feel unfocused, but my ears are popping back.

"E- Elisse?" I hear. The sweet voice that I had… well, dreamed about, couldn't match this. I felt a slight smile on my face, and I took in more breath.

"Alistair," my voice barely works, but it's there in a whisper loud enough for him to hear. I start to regain feeling. Through the heavy armor I wore, I could feel my side crushed to him. This… this closeness to him. It wasn't like the Fade, there was nothing alien about it. I raise my hand, wincing at the pain, and brush off a splatter of blood on his cheek with my glove. "Alistair…"

"Wynne," he calls. He starts insisting that I'm alive, but Wynne states that he's just seeing what he wants. With any remaining strength I have, I sit up, clenching my teeth. My body is protesting, but I manage to keep in my painful cries. I growl when I'm finally sitting, trying to ignore the pain.

"I should've made you do that damn ritual, Alistair." I growled. I could hear his relieved laugh, and feel him clutch me closer. We're sitting right next to the huge Archdemon's body, with my back against his chest. I feel his nose nuzzle my shoulder, and even with Wynne suddenly there, touching my arms and healing me as fast as she could. I feel fingers trying to remove my armor, to heal any wounds on my stomach.

"Yes," he mumbled into my shoulder. I have a strange feeling he didn't exactly hear what I was saying. I'm slumped against him when he presses his lips above my ear. "Don't you dare scare me like that again."

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere near the Fade." I mumble. I know that's not true, though. Dreams are in the Fade. It's nearly impossible to avoid it. Unless I decide not to sleep, that is. That wouldn't end well. "Alistair…"

"Yes?" he asks, resting his chin on my shoulder. I try to ignore the feeling of his breath on my collarbone. Wait- what was I going to say to him? Oh, right, that.

"If you think you're leaving my sight again," I started, turning my head slightly and kissing his nose. "Then I will lock you up somewhere, and not let you leave. Ever."

"Will there be chains?" Zevran's voice floated over. I'd completely forgotten our audience.

I smiled wickedly. "Yes, lots and lots of chains." I could feel the heat coming off of Alistairs cheeks, now.

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**_Hehe... couldn't resist... So, It may be a stupid idea, yes, but after killing off one of my characters, I needed something light and fluffy._**

**_How'd I do? *covers head and hides*_**


End file.
